You’re Not in Love, You’re Just Lonely

Loneliness is like that obligatory friend in your life that you’ve known for a while, so you don’t know how to completely cut them off, but you hate when they come around. 

It happens to all of us. Even those of us who don’t mind spending endless hours, or even days, completely alone (Hi, my name is Bruna) find ourselves, at one point or another, experiencing the sharp pang of isolation.

However, there’s a difference. Those of us who are not afraid of solitude and who have grown to genuinely enjoy our own company don’t allow loneliness to play its mind tricks on us.

You know what I’m talking about…

Loneliness will have you missing all the wrong people, texting your exes, settling for mediocrity, fighting for love that’s not really love, chasing after unhealthy relationships, and the worst of them all–feeling as though you’re in love, when you’re really just lonely. 

Too many of us are quick to hashtag-love a relationship in our life simply because the excitement of having someone around blinds us from the reality of the situation. And the reality of the situation is this–you’re not in love with this person, you’re in love with the distraction that they provide you.

It’s not so much the curse of being a rebound that has people vowing to be single for a bit before jumping into another relationship. It’s the simple fact that if you don’t appreciate or value your time alone, then how do you know if you’re loving out of actual love or out of loneliness? 

It’s not as easily detectable as you’d think. 

Loneliness doesn’t travel alone. It’s in a hardcore street gang with low self-worth, anxiety, overthinking, and–the one that masks itself as a loving component to any relationship–co-dependency, and they’ll jump your ass when you least expect it, then flip it to make it seem like all the turmoil they cause is good for you. 

Co-dependency is one of the pros at this. It will have you believing that you truly and undoubtedly love that person sharing your space, but you don’t. You just love having someone there. It doesn’t matter who it is, as long as you’re not alone. 

Do you realize how detrimental that is to your growth? And, stepping outside of yourself for a second, do you realize how selfish that is of you to waste someone’s time like that? 

Our mind is one of the most powerful tools we have as human beings, but unfortunately, it can work against us if we’re not careful. If you do not take the time to really observe and accept your actions, even the ugly ones, then you won’t even see the harmful things you’re doing both to yourself and to those around you. 

Just because I’ve been single for so long doesn’t mean I was alone. I’ve had plenty of men sharing my space or my time or my energy, but unfortunately, I grew to realize that a lot of them were just fillers because I was lonely. That’s really shitty. 

It wasn’t until a few years back, when I truly dove into Bruna time, that I realized I didn’t need someone around to make my days count. Once I appreciated my time, not only did I value myself more, but I (and those around me) knew that whoever I did choose to share my time with are people who add to my life. That’s a beautiful thing. 

You’re stronger than you think. Everything you need already lives in you, so why are you falling for traps set up by loneliness as if you don’t know better? 

Next time it comes for you with its gang of delinquents, you step up and show out, because you’re not gonna allow anything to run game on you. Not even yourself.

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