People always ask me, “Bruna, why are you single?”
And I’m never really sure how to answer that. I don’t get bothered by it. In fact, it’s kind of flattering. But to nip it in the bud once and for all–and to find a way to fully and honestly explain myself–I’ve decided to try and explain why I’m still single here.
Man, I really open up to you guys.
There are a lot of different factors that contribute to why I’m still on #TeamSingle:
1. Haven’t Met the Right Guy: I’m not the type of person that will get into a relationship just to be in a relationship. I don’t half-ass anything, so when I give myself to someone–mentally, physically, emotionally–it’s all of me, and I want to make sure they’re worth it. I want to make sure it’s something beneficial for my life. And at this moment, I’m not sure I’ve found that yet.
2. He Doesn’t Like Me: Or at least, I don’t think he does. I’ve definitely dated a few guys since I broke up with my ex. And things would be going great until they weren’t anymore. And it would just fizzle. But there are some guys on my radar, some that I think, “Wow, you know? He could be great. We could be great.” But those are almost always the guys that don’t seem interested in me like that. I didn’t think there was really a Friend Zone for females, but I guess there is.
3. I Keep Comparing: Sigh, remember the soul mate I told you about? I’ve done absolutely everything in my power to cut him out of my life so that I can move on. But how do you turn off your brain? How do you cut out those thoughts? And more importantly, how do you stop yourself from comparing everyone you meet to that person? That’s the real headache, because it’s unfair to both parties. I’m setting myself and the new guy up for failure. I’m trying to fix this, though. I really am.
4. What’s the Rush?: It seems like every day I log into Facebook, a new friend is getting married, or having a baby or getting engaged, and I’m sitting here wondering if I’m fucking up. But then I realize something–when I find the right person that I’m going to build my life with, they’re going to have all of me for…forever! At least that’s the plan, and that’s a long fucking time. So I should enjoy these years that I have to myself, where I can be selfish and stupid and contemplative and crazy and just live life.
5. I’m Scared: That’s the root of it, I think. I’m just scared. I’ve found that with my personality, I’m very black or white. Hardly ever gray. And with that, I either give 100% or 0. I try not to be so extreme, but it’s a hard habit to break. And now that I’ve been single for almost three years, it’s almost like I forgot what it’s like to be in a relationship. I’ve become so used to being by myself and enjoying it, that I’m scared to share my time with someone. I’m scared to open myself up to someone who could potentially hurt me. I forgot what it’s like to wonder where my boyfriend’s at, wonder if he’s lying, get into a fight, cry myself to sleep…all that drama that comes with a relationship. And I’m afraid of experiencing that again. Sure, not every guy will make me feel that way, but there are certain things that just come with the territory. So I’m scared. I’m scared of what a relationship can take from me and bring out in me. But, I feel like when I meet the right guy, the risk will be worth it and hopefully, he’ll prove me wrong.
Until then, however, I’m just doing me. And I’m OK with that.