Wanna Know Why We Insist on Having a Title? Here’s Why…

Tonight’s sure-to-be insightful post is inspired by MTV’s Real World: Ex-Plosion. Yes, I watch it. Yes, you can judge me (because the right person will love me for me–and my questionable taste in TV).

Regardless, on tonight’s episode, viewers saw Tom get annoyed by Jamie’s need to have a title on their relationship, so he took it back. Gasp! He just didn’t get why she found being his “girlfriend” necessary.

I instantly thought a few things:

1. Tom, stop being dumb.

2. I love Jamie and I want to be her best friend.

3. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY?! IT’S OBVIOUS!

4. I need to blog about this.

And so here I am.

(FYI, for those of you who are worried about what happened with Tom and Jamie, he regained his senses after a quick chat with Dad and became her boyfriend again. Good call, Tommy boy!)

Again, I am no expert in dating (obvs) and you can’t generalize one woman’s views on a certain matter as the overall consensus, but here’s my opinion anyway–and you may find that other females agree.

The reason we want a title on the relationship is simple–because we want stability and security.

My very first post on this blog was about being stuck in the gray area. It’s a shitty area and no one wants to be there. By not putting a label on what you are, you become permanent residents of Graysville. Not only that, you end up looking like a douche.

Sure, you don’t mean to look like a douche. But you do. And here’s why…

Imagine being a girl who is dating this guy. You two have been seeing other regularly for a while now, you know each other’s friends, you enjoy each other’s company, you have sex, you hang out, you are practically in a relationship without the title. When you bring this up to the man-in-question, he tells you, “Why do we have to label things? Why can’t we just be the way we are?”

Um, no. You know what that sounds like? An excuse.

An excuse to not be fully committed to the girl and an excuse to have a Get Out of Jail free card when you fuck up (ex: “You’re not my girlfriend, you have no right to be mad!”).

As a female, when a guy tells me he doesn’t want a title, it’s a red flag. Because what you’re really telling me is you don’t want people to know I’m your girl. And if you’re not excited to yell from the rooftops that I’m your girl, then why am I wasting my time? Even more than that, you’re telling me you don’t want to invest in me and in what we have. Sorry bud, you can’t expect me to treat you like my man while you’re still clinging on to your single life.

Remember: “You deserve someone who’s willing to jump fences to be with you. Not someone who’s on the fence about being with you.”

And that’s the truth.

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1 Comment

  • I’ve always wondered… why would a woman want to convince a man to be with her? Here’s why we don’t see the point in having a title. Well, because it’s pointless. Basically there’s no point in a title if we’re not committed to a plan that’s heading towards marriage. I understand a title is stability and security for women and probably a way to hold over a man’s head what he can and can’t do. But these same patterns and pressure of telling and asking a man to give you a title only turns into you eventually telling and asking for marriage, not to mention getting down on one knee. Instead of all this coaching and pleading, try this. At a certain point during the dating/getting to know stage, simply ask the guy, “What’s your intentions towards me?; How do you feel about me?” Then allow him to give his answer. You certainly don’t have to accept it but take it for what it is instead of pressuring him for another answer because you don’t like the first one. Which do you rather? A man who’s now your boyfriend because you talked him into saying “yes”? Or a man who clearly states what his intentions are towards you and who would ask you to be his girlfriend? See it is our job to go after you WHEN we want you. It is your job to say “yes” if you want us back. Not the other way around. Sure it may feel like a win now because you got what you wanted with a little push. But it may only be temporary and the hurt you rather not deal with now you may be saving for later. It’s like that saying. “Pay for it now or pay for it later.” Stating that you want more; ready for more; refusing to just go along and keep seeing each other; refusing to stop having sex with him…. all completely understandable. But having to convince him to be with you, I don’t get. Because 1 of 2 things will happen. He will either have a change of heart again, or start doing things to force you to break up with him like I did 10 years ago to the girlfriend I never wanted to begin with. A coward move? Sure it was but something had to give. I know as women it has to be hard trying to understand why does it take us so long to figure out what we want. Actually it doesn’t. Ladies we’re not shy or scare or confused about what we want, let alone WHO we want. Understand that the only scariest thing for us men is finding you, and hoping not to lose you to another man. When you ask for a title, the hesitation in a man answer is a sure sign this is not what he wants. Please learn to take it for what it is and move on promising yourself to never have to convince a man to be with you.

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