OK, before I dive into this, I already know some guys are reading this and getting ready with their trigger fingers to type out some angry responses.
“BRUNA, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MALE BASH. IT’S THE SAME FOR WOMEN, TOO.”
COOL, GUESS WHAT? I DON’T DATE WOMEN SO I CAN’T SPEAK ON THAT. However, The Problem With Dating is always open to submissions, if you feel inclined to share.
Now, back to the originally scheduled programming…
The idea for this post was first sparked when a friend shared a Maxim article on Facebook titled, “Women Are Happier When Their Partner Is Less Attractive Than They Are, Says New Study.”
Without reading the article, I commented, “Less attractive guys can still lie, cheat and give you just as many headaches as anyone else. Trust me I know. It has nothing to do with appearance and everything to do with character.”
Now, I still stand by what I said, and I’ll get into that more in a second, but the article itself talks more about the pressure of being physically attractive. Basically it says that if a woman is dating a guy who isn’t a total hunk with a six pack, then she won’t feel bad for having that extra piece of bread, as opposed to dating someone who’s super hot and then feeling pressured to match his attractiveness.
I can’t talk too much on that, because I can’t say that I’ve ever felt pressured or otherwise to match my significant others’ hotness. I can, however, talk about this idea that a less attractive person will be a better partner to you in a relationship.
For as long as I can remember, people would preach to me, “Bruna, the more options he has, the more likely he’ll cheat,” or “Bruna, you need to date a former fat kid who doesn’t realize that they’re cute now, and then they won’t treat you like shit.”
It sounds a little crazy, but honestly, I can understand their arguments. The problem there, though, is that we then assume less-attractive people will treat you better, and that is absolutely not the case.
If any of my exes are reading this and wondering if I’m talking about you, I probably am.
I’ve dated plenty of guys who were…well, let’s just say they wouldn’t make you do a double-take by any means. “Wow, Bruna, I didn’t expect you to be with a guy like that,” was a common response to a few of my ex boyfriends. And I was cool with it. I didn’t need the hottest guy in the world. I just wanted someone who treated me well and cared about me.
But guess what?! Some of them couldn’t even do that!
“Ugly” guys can still treat you like shit. They can still cheat and lie and cause problems, just like anyone else. Trust me, I know this from experience.
On the flip side: Not every attractive person is a savage!
I’m so sick of people telling me that I have to choose between a “hot guy” or a “nice guy,” as if those two qualities are mutually exclusive. I WANT BOTH AND THAT’S NOT ASKING FOR TOO MUCH.
It would be really great if we could instantly decipher the infidelity rate of a partner based on their looks–he’s bangin’, he’ll probably cheat on me…he’s average, there might be a hometown ex that’s still lingering…he’s not very cute, he’ll treat me like a queen–but that’s not real life!
The only thing that can tell you how someone will treat you is their character. And the only way you get to know what type of character this person has is by getting to know them on a deeper level. Take note on how they interact with you, with your friends, with their friends, and more importantly, with complete strangers.
Stop trying to create cheat codes that aren’t legit just because you’re afraid to put in the time and energy into getting to know someone. You’ll just end up playing yourself.