I teased this topic in my last post about why my heart scares the shit outta me, and I even posted the question on Instagram (@problemwithdating) to get some of your responses on here, so here’s what I think and then we’ll open it up to the public…
I wish I could just say yes or no, but it’s not one of those questions. It really does depend on the situation. If you would have asked me this same thing five years ago, I probably would have said hell no, but things have happened in my life to make me think otherwise. So let me explain.
There’s no doubt that having sex with someone takes things to a different level, even if you don’t want it to or have a discussion beforehand, whatever. It can get weird sometimes, especially when you start bringing a potential boyfriend/girlfriend around, but even with all that, it’s doable. It just depends on the circumstances.
Exes I’m usually good with cutting off ties and leaving it at that. We can maybe be friends years down the line once we’ve both moved on, but an initial relationship after the romantic one just ended is just too much.
If it was just a one night stand, I think you’re fine. You were probably drunk anyway, so who cares. Just pin it down as a memory earned and a good story to tell and move on.
A fuck buddy can get iffy (pardon my language, but that’s what it’s called). If you’ve consistently hooked up with this person but for whatever reason deemed them undateable, it can get weird but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. I think you can be just friends with your F.B., but maybe not besties. And if you do want that close friendship, you might have to stop the sex. It’s kinda like a drug addict–you get someone used to your supply, then you get a new person who wants what you’ve got and you suddenly had to cut the other person off of your goodness. Do you think they’d still want to hang out with you (and the new person you’re screwing instead of them?) all the time? Probably not.
The one that I’m super on the fence about is a person you kinda dated and hooked up with then things went south, but they still want a friendship. If there are still feelings involved, you can’t do it without getting hurt. They’re going to be messing around with other people and flirting up a storm in front of you. Can you handle that?
Anyway, I’m rambling now. Here’s what other people had to say…
- [ @ ] kimmyyyyd Yes and no. Depends on so many different things! Was it a one night stand or a friends with benefits type of situation? Did you have feelings for them? I am friends with some, but there are others I could not be friends with because of the situation we were in.
- [ @ ] weeniexoxo That’s a big fat NO! I agree with @kimmyyyyd but one night stand or not i think girls in general can’t do the whole “let’s be friends” i think eventually it starts to get complicated! Me personally from experience it never worked out that way because i started catching feelings…it’s just complicated & u end up getting hurt at the end!
- [ @ ] nicoletechristina No!!! Especially when they can’t let go and you’re now married!! (I’m not speaking from experience, of course)
- [ @ ] cabezacharlotte All depends on the emotional attachment. I’m not friends with exes I was with for years. but I am friends with a guy I was intimate with who I only dated for 6months, we weren’t Inlove so I think THAT is the reason we were able to.. after several fights&time not talking we were finally able to become friends. my ex & I did agree to be friends ONE day but I’m still in the process of getting over him BEFORE we become friends so I’ll update you when I get there. haha
- [ @ ] cheersruca Impossible. There is always a boyfriend/girlfriend complex that complicates things.
- [ @ ] x_jack_ee_x I don’t think you can’t be friends with someone you were intimate with if you cared about them… There’s a saying in Spanish that says “Donde uvo fuego, cenisas quedan” (hope i spelled that right) Kinda means there will always be something there…
- [ @ ] itsladolcevita The rule of thumb is that if you we’re in love with them, you cant truly be just friends–it gets complicated. If enough time has gone by, maybe. But the only way to know for sure if you’re over him is if you can stand to hear him talking about being with other women. If the answers no, then you can’t truly be just a friend to them. Sometimes you want that person in your life regardless and accept them in your life under a guise called “friendship” for one reason or another. It honesty didn’t work for me.
- [ @ ] 81valley Yes it is Possible to be friends with someone u Been intimate just because It didn’t work out for us what ever reasons they are that doesn’t mean she was a horrible person to me The respect and love of Just being a wonderful person will keep each other in our life’s 10 years this way she Happily married now with her 1st son on the way and has a great husband so yes it can happen
- [ @ ] scottkalikid Not possible because one party will have a hidden agenda… Most likely the woman lol
- [ @ ] cynthia_barrilleaux Yes, as long as they are over each other and truly want to be just friends…. If that’s the case, they can be great friends
- [ @ ] ivonne_burciaga Nope
As you can see, opinions vary. So I wanna know from you–True or False? Can you be just friends with someone you’ve had sex with? Holler in the comments!