The Worst Battle: Do I Leave or Do I Try Harder?

Everyone reaches their boiling point in a relationship. You’ve been trying to work at things, but the same shit keeps coming up and it’s starting to get old. Part of you just wants to say peace out, while the other part is reminding you how much you love that person.

And that’s when you become officially torn on what to do.

Do you continue working things out? Or do you accept that the issues you two are having won’t go away, so you need to step out of the equation?

I’ve been coming across similar situations a lot lately, not so much in my personal life, but with the people around me, and I’ve noticed that there are two things that will help you decide what to do: the passion in your heart and the actions of the other person.

I’ll explain with these three scenarios:

Example No. 1: I’ve been spending extra time with my best friend’s parents lately, and whenever I’m around couples (especially those who have been together for a really long time), I always ask about their love story. Now, with these two lovebirds, I already pretty much knew their story, but the other day during breakfast, it was brought up again and it inspired me.

John and Sally (no, those aren’t their real names) went to high school together and started dating when they were around 16–yep, super young. They went through the usual bumps in the road that any high school relationship would go through, but at 19, they made a decision. Sally was going to move out of the country, and John really wanted her to stay (Cue Rihanna’s new song with Mikky Ekko). “I didn’t want her to go,” he told me. So what did he do? He proposed. “I was so nervous,” he told me about asking for her father’s blessing. “He just kept asking for water for an hour,” she added. But they did it, and it wasn’t easy.

He told me that they’d fight all the time, and you have to imagine that it wasn’t easy being married at such a young age when you haven’t even become the person you’re meant to be yet. But they made it work, because they love each other.

Forty years later, after every obstacle you can think of came in their way, they still sit together at the table for breakfast, travel the world together and enjoy the company of their four children and eight grandchildren (and counting). It’s really a great sight to see.

Example No. 2: A guy friend of mine and his lady were getting rocky. They had a lot of outside factors trying to penetrate what they had going on, and that can get real old, real quick. I hatewhen people that don’t need to be involved with your relationship try to cause problems. Really? Go take care of your own life, please. Thanks.

“Relationships sink when there are too many passengers”

Anyway, as you can imagine, she was over it. Why should she have to worry about something that shouldn’t even be an issue to begin with?

But he wasn’t ready to just let her walk away. He understood where she was coming from, but he loved her so much, he didn’t want to give up on what they had. He continuously tried to reassure her that whatever needed to happen to make it work, he would do.

Now this is where you need to pay attention–you can go to the moon and back to attempt to make everything OK, but if the other person isn’t responding and has really checked out for good, then stop. You’re only digging yourself into a deeper, lonelier hole. Accept it and try to move on.

However, if they’re willing to give it another go, then praise Jesus. And also keep to your word and make sure you follow through with whatever changes you said would happen to maintain the relationship, otherwise they’ll be out of there quicker than you can say “welcome back.”

Luckily for my friend, they were both willing to put in the work needed to keep their relationship going, and that’s becoming rare nowadays. People are just getting too lazy and run from every problem instead of putting in the effort to see if it can be solved.

Example No. 3: Now, let’s flip the script a bit. I’ve always been the type of person to work at something until it’s fixed (with everything in life). Relationships were no exception.

With every boyfriend, we’d have our issues, but I would try to make it work…over and over and over again. My friends would get so annoyed with me–Bruna, why?! Let it go, he’s not gonna change. Were they right? Yes. Did I listen? No.

I’m not saying it’s the smartest move, and I’m not necessarily saying this is what you should do, but I always just wanted to find out for myself. I never wanted to leave a situation and wonder if I could have done more, if I could have made it happen or if it was my fault things didn’t work out. So I stuck it out. The problem? I was in it alone.

When you’re at the tipping point, the other person is going to start saying everything and anything you wanna hear to make you stay. Unfortunately, a lot of the time those are false promises. But I’d listen, I’d give them a shot.

Where they fucked up is the moment they thought I’d be there forever. Yes, I give too many chances, but once you hit my boiling point, I leave and never return.

You can only let yourself get played so many times. At that point, you need to stop thinking with your heart and use your head. If they didn’t do what needed to be done the first (second, third) time around, chances are they’re not going to do it ever. So save yourself the agony and just walk away.

I would be devastated over a failed relationship, but I would also love the fact that I could leave with my head held high, knowing that I gave 110% into trying to make it work, and it just didn’t.

Every couple deals with certain issues. It’s all about how you deal with the problems you’re facing and whether or not you’re doing it together. The moment you realize you’re fighting this battle alone, raise up that white flag and surrender.

Because don’t you want to be with someone who’s willing to fight for you and what you have just as much as you are?

That’s what I thought.

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