“Did I ever really love him or was I addicted to the pain–the exquisite pain–of wanting someone so unattainable?”
Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we invest so much time, energy and emotion into going after someone we ultimately can’t have?
Well, one of two reasons: Either you really, genuinely love this person and won’t stop pursuing them until they realize how much you care about them, or (and this is usually the case) it’s just the thrill of the chase.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…People want what they can’t have and they almost always enjoy a challenge. That’s why girls are always taught to play hard to get and guys have their stupid unwritten rules about dating–like waiting three days before calling the girl whose number they just got.
Newsflash: That’s a stupid fucking rule, gentleman. And I’ll tell you right now, if you waited three days to call me, I would’ve taken it as a sign that you weren’t interested and moved on. And ladies, forget playing hard to get. Play hard to forget. I’m not saying you should let a guy dip into your cookie jar the second you meet (keep the slutty escapades to a minimum), but you don’t have to dodge a guy you like just so he knows you’re worth going after. There are other ways to do that.
I know this from experience. My girlfriends always scold me for never playing hard to get. Sorry! I suck at it. If I’m into a guy, it’s written all over my face. I don’t suffocate him with attention (in my head I do, but they don’t know that so its OK), but I’m excited when I hear from them and I take initiative from time to time. And guess what? They enjoy that.
But alas, the chase is alive and real, and I will admit I’ve chased some guys in my day. All right, maybe a few more than some. OK…a good amount.
There have been plenty of occasions where I’ll meet a guy, and he’s cool and I like hanging out with him and it’s whatever, but the second he makes it clear that he doesn’t want anything serious, I’m after him like it’s my job.
Why do you do that to yourself, Bruna? Well, other than being stupid, I just want to know if I can change his perspective. Not necessarily to be with him, because in all reality these guys are usually not boyfriend material to begin with, but I live for that HA, I KNEW I COULD DO IT moment.
(I told you it was stupid.)
There’s a really awesome article from Marie Claire about whyguys love the chase, and while reading through it, I noticed that a lot of it is the same for girls: The “fantasy ideal” of building the person up to be this amazing specimen in your head from what you’ve gathered through your research, the “competitive nature” of going after something you don’t think you can have, being able to stay single while chasing so you don’t feel bad for investing energy into someone, yet get nookie from someone else…it’s all really absurd when you think about it, but we do it time and time again.
I can’t say I’ll never chase a guy again and I can’t say that the thrill of the chase is something you grow out of. Let’s face it–it’s exciting, but don’t let it overcome you, because ultimately, you should ”never chase love, affection or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.”
And that’s the truth.