I’m sure you read the title of this, rolled your eyes, and wrote it off as some sad story complaining about how my dating life suuuuuucks! But keep reading, and you might see it a little bit differently, just like I do.
The last year and a half of my life has been surreal. I’ve been completely out of the dating game, but not for your usual reasons like “I’m taking a break,” or “I’m working on myself,” or the ever-so-popular “I’m doing me!”
For me, it’s a little bit different. It’s something more permanent than just working on myself for a year or two.
I quit dating because I realized that I’m not really the type of guy that people want to date or be in a relationship with. At first it was painful to come to the conclusion that I’m “undateable.” I mean, who the hell would want to consider themselves to be that way?
But it’s actually been one of the greatest things that’s ever happened to me. But before I get into that, I’ll let you guys in on how I figured it out.
We’ve all heard the different reasons for being turned down. They’re not ready for a relationship right now, they just got out of a relationship and just want something casual, they’re working on themselves, they’re moving to Antarctica (kidding!…hopefully). The list goes on and on and on. Whether they’re legit reasons or not, we’ve all heard ’em.
I’d hear them all the time. I’d meet a girl, we’d have this great chemistry, and then I’d get hit with “the excuse.”
But I started to notice a disturbing trend. After telling me they “weren’t ready for a relationship,” that same girl would enter into a relationship with another guy between 2-3 months later (in one case as early as two weeks later!). It actually got so predictable that I would be able to call it (like clockwork) before it even happened! If only we could bet on this in Vegas!
About two years ago, it happened again with a girl that I really thought it would work out with.
It ended up being the exact…same…result, but with double the heartache in the end. She was beautiful (probably out of my league), we went on some great dates, the chemistry was undeniable, we clicked, and I thought it was finally my time to break the streak.
Surely enough, she came at me with the “BTW, I just got out of a relationship, just want something casual,” blah blah blah.
I know, I know! I should’ve bounced as soon as she said that shit, especially after all I had been through. Trust me, I knew what I should have done. But this girl was just so great, I knew I had to try and stick it out this time. After all, I had walked away from so many similar situations because of my past, and I just had to see this one through. I knew we could break through that barrier if I played it cool enough.
By now, I’m sure you guys know the rest of the story. It ended because she wasn’t looking for a relationship. About three months later (surprise! surprise!), I see that she’s in a relationship.
So there I was! Failed again. This was supposed to be the time it finally worked out. When I wasn’t looking for a relationship, when I was looking for a relationship, when it was a girl I really liked, when it was a girl that I could do without, it was always the same result.
I had to accept the fact that I am “undateable.”
But like I said earlier, coming to this realization has been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Once I started owning it, I became more comfortable in my own skin. I don’t worry about rejection anymore because I’ve already been through the worst rejections. It’s helped rid me of a lot of my own insecurities because I’m more accepting of who I am. My mind is freed up to think about more important things than why dating has never worked out for me, or why women never thought I was good enough for them. It’s just completely turned an insecure, worry wart kid into a man who is comfortable with himself, his path and all the good and bad that comes with it.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit to you guys that there are two days out of the year when I do feel bad about my undateableness? Undateability? Whatever the hell you wanna call it. And those days are Valentines Day and New Years Eve. But hey! 2/365 days ain’t too bad!
I know admitting that you’re undateabale still sounds fucked up to a lot of you. It’s definitely not something that most people would admit or accept about themselves. But maybe your takeaway from this post is that no matter what your lifestyle is, no matter what you think about yourself, no matter what others think about you, no matter how crazy, fucked up or lonely your path is…own that shit!
Accept your strengths, accept your weaknesses, and don’t let anything stop you from being comfortable with yourself.
After all, the happiest people in the world are the ones who are comfortable in their own skin. So embrace your flaws, embrace your weirdness, and if you’re like me, embrace your undateableness (OK seriously, I’ll come up with a better word for this soon).