The Challenges of Dating a Celibate Woman

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As I venture out into the dating world, I run into a lot more women who are practicing celibacy (including the woman I’m currently dating).  And while I feel like women who practice celibacy for the purpose of bettering themselves should be celebrated and appreciated, I can’t deny the fact that, as a man, it can become quite difficult.

I think it goes without saying that dating a woman who practices celibacy is challenging.  The longer we date, the more we fall for you, and the longer we go without sex, the stronger the urge becomes. I am understanding and respectful, but I am also a man who loves sex. So the question arises: Can a man love or date a woman without having sex? I’m here to tell you he can. Maybe most men wouldn’t choose that route, and that’s understandable if that’s something they’re not willing to sacrifice, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. There are ways around it. For example, if I get agitated or tense, I just take it out at the gym. Although the road may be difficult, if she is special or truly the one, we understand it is worth the sacrifice. But, please understand there will be moments of weakness and frustration, so we need the safe space to express that with you, too.

Most of the men I know have never considered practicing celibacy, so the concept is foreign to some of us. Still, no man wants to be labeled as the “all he wants is sex” guy, but the truth is, we enjoy having sex, especially when we’re dating a woman we find beautiful and sexy as hell. So, dating a woman who is practicing celibacy can make us feel like a kid who can only look at a Christmas gift but never open it. It’s difficult because you want something so bad, but you know that’s a selfish urge, so you feel terrible every time you want to have a discussion about it.

Sometimes I find myself wanting to say, “I don’t know if I can continue doing this” or “This is becoming extremely difficult for me,” but I’m hesitant, because if I say those things, she may believe that the physical is the only thing I wanted from her, when that is not at all the case.  You become fearful that she may no longer see you as being understanding or supportive, and sometimes you feel like an animal because you’re ashamed for wanting something you’ve enjoyed for so many years.

So this sparks the difficulty–We don’t want you to feel pressure; we just want to be open with you about it, but if we’re open about our struggle, does that make us seem inconsiderate? If we keep our feelings about this inside are we truly being honest?

Being sexually frustrated is tough, especially when you are constantly being reminded of it through the media and social media. Truth be told, some men feel as if they are sacrificing an amazing experience, and it’s not always clear if that sacrifice is worth it.

Maybe our self-discipline isn’t as strong as a woman’s. Maybe a lot of us are just used to having sex and being on a dry spell is new territory, one that we’re not entirely sure how to navigate. Maybe, we just want to experience that feeling because you have already aroused us mentally and emotionally. Maybe sex is an experience we want to share with someone we really care for. Yet, a lot of men dating a celibate person are not given the benefit of being able to voice these feelings without it being labeled as sexist or misogynist. This article may even be described as “mansplaining” to certain individuals.

As men, we have to assume that your decision to practice abstinence is rooted in some sort of affect that sex has on you, however, in most cases, women don’t go into detail about why they’re celibate. Therefore we start coming to our own conclusions. Is it because the last person you had sex with hurt you or treated you less than your worth? Are you scared to give yourself to another person? Is there some enlightenment that comes from practicing celibacy? We run through these possible conclusions to help make us stronger in restraining from being physically intimate with you, because we focus on the deeper meaning of it all.

I hear a lot of celibate women say they are waiting for the right person, whether that means an exclusive relationship or marriage. Unfortunately, I have also seen so many guys use that to their advantage. Some men will play the role as if they’re cool with that concept and leave as soon as they get what they want. Does that factor in a woman’s decision in practicing celibacy?

Most men are not able to express their emotions as well as women.  Therefore, we express a lot of feelings through physical actions.  Sex, while it can be seen as just a hobby done by a lot of people who are in the heat of the moment, is still a physical act where we feel we can show how much we are into you.

Yes, there are still a lot of men who will try to rush you into sex, but there are still some men out there, myself included, who will continue to wait until you’re ready, regardless of how frustrating it can be. Just please understand that if we voice those frustrations, it’s not meant to be taken as complaints to make you feel bad for your decision, because ultimately, men also enjoy spending sex-free time together. And we’ll be patient, we’ll ride the waves, we’ll be understanding, but just know the urges come and go, and so we need your patience and understanding when we get a little tied up. It may be challenging to date a celibate woman, but when she’s worth it, you make it work.

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10 Comments

  • Hi Warren. I’m on Day 74 of celibacy. I’m giving myself 365 days. Thank you for this article. This gives me hope.

  • Warren,

    I think what you’re doing is amazing. It’s easy to get caught up in “all a guy wants from you is sex”, but guys like you are a breath of fresh air.

    Thank you

  • Great article bro. And definitely agree that it can be a challenge but we will hold on if we are serious about her. Quick question if you don’t mind, at what stage of meeting your girl did you find out that she wanted to wait? I asked that because for women, I wonder when do they let us know… on the first date or a month later? Does it matter that they tell us or not or just keep saying “I’m not ready”? Either way, I support women who wants to wait but I think we should have a conversation about it.

    • She let me know upfront. I believe the second date. I believe whenever she feels comfortable to inform you of her practicing celibacy. Some are scared to tell a man upfront because they feel he would move on without even giving her a chance. Honestly, a lot of women who practice celibacy don’t know when they are ready. Unless she says
      “I’m waiting for marriage” or “before we are officially in a relationship” more than likely she won’t even know when she’s ready.

  • Hey Warren,

    I enjoyed reading this article from a mans point of view and it definitely gave me insight to be understanding on how a man feels about dating a celibate woman. I am 23 with a 2.5 year old daughter and decided that I would like to try the journey of celibacy towards the end of my pregnancy. I felt inspired to take the journey after a rough and emotional break up. Ideally I wanted to wait until I was in a serious relationship again, but as time went a long and I got closer to God and on a spiritual journey, I decided I wanted to wait until marriage. The only thing is I don’t even give dating a chance because I feel as though I’m “too scared” to tell someone I am celibate. I feel like I don’t think I’ll ever know when is the right time to tell someone I’m dating I’m celibate, and I guess thats why I avoid dating all together. advice if any?

    • I always feel you should tell someone when they ask. If you say it from the start, they dont even have the opportunity of knowing if you are worth the wait. Most men automatically feel they can’t handle it, so they are looking for any reason to move on. If he gets to know you and like you, he is more open to the possibility of waiting. Also, even though you may be practicing celibacy right now, if you feel he is the right one you may be more open to experiencing the next level. You have to be willing to put yourself out there. Let’s be honest, embarking on a spiritual journey takes strength and confidence. Finding someone who is your life partner will take strength and confidence as well.

  • I do believe a celibate woman can be worth the wait, if she is “the one” and her personality is very hot. Most likely, I’d reject the celibate woman, since a) they sleep around and suddenly turn celibate, making them a hypocrite… b) they pretend to be “waiting till marriage” but is actually cheating, and c) they’ll wait, wait, wait and you’ll never know if she’s ready, even after you married her. I’d rather not waste my money or time.

  • I’ve been celibate for 194 days. I’m not currently dating anyone and I haven’t even thought about how I’d approach my celibacy once I start dating again. I do think many men will decide they’re no longer interested when I tell them about my celibacy but that’s to be expected. Celibacy is not for everyone.

  • WOW, this article is great!!!! I’m 5 months shy of 5 years celibate. I just had a huge fight with a male friend of, guys only wanting one thing, so you’ve help me see things a different way! Thanks

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