Stop Making Excuses and Make the Effort

“If you want to be in my future, do the effort to be a part of my present, or all you will ever be is someone from my past.”

I’d like to think that I’m a simple woman with simple needs. Whether or not that’s completely true, I couldn’t tell you. But my heart doesn’t ask for much when it comes to love– just a little bit of effort. That’s not a grand request, is it? I’m starting to wonder.

Lately, it seems like so many people forgot the basics when it comes to dating. Courting a female, romancing her, making her feel special and wanted. And maybe it’s our fault as women for not requiring that from a man anymore. But regardless of what the cause is, the effect is all the same: People have gotten lazy and selfish.

If it’s not convenient, it’s not worth pursuing. That’s a shame.

I’ve already told you guys, I’m a hopeless romantic. I’m cheesier than a Cheeto. And when it comes to my relationships, whether it be romantic or friends, I will always put other people’s needs in front of my own. It’s not always the smartest idea, but it happens, and I’m not sorry for it.

People are busy. I understand that. Hi, I’m busy, too. But so many people glorify the word and use it as an excuse, that it’s become one of my most-hated lines ever: I’m just really busy. Ugh.

Although my schedule isn’t the greatest, I always try to let the people I care about know I care about them. I will drive a distance to see you, I will block out plans just for the opportunity of hanging out with you, I will spend my only day off with you…so on and so forth. The problem with that, however, is I then expect people to do the same for me. And sadly, it doesn’t always work that way.

Stupid expectations.

I wholeheartedly believe that if you matter to someone, you’ll know. So when you find yourself questioning where you stand with a person, you’ve already found your answer.

“People may not always tell you how they feel about you, but they’ll always show you. Pay attention.”

Recently, a guy snuck his way into my heart. Slowly but surely, the more I got to know him, the more excited I became at the thought of finally finding the type of man I’ve been searching for. (Cue giddy Bruna doing a happy dance.)

For months we’d talk every day. All day, every day. He would always let me know that I was on his mind, and I always appreciated that. Our conversations were on point. We vibed in a special way. But in those months, not once did we hang out. Not once. Plans would fall through, things came up…busy.

So what do I do? I tried to just end whatever was going on before getting even more invested than I already was. Maybe not the best go-to right away, but my flaws played a part in it, too, and I was worried about getting attached to someone too soon. Regardless, he wouldn’t let me. And a part of me loved that. A guy fighting for this to work instead of just saying “peace out” and moving on? That’s admirable.

I tried voicing my concerns and spilling my guts in an effort to not leave any gray area or questions as to where I stood and what I needed, but that didn’t work, either. Nothing changed.

So that’s when I just had to face the (ugly) music–He’s just not that into me.

And that’s the truth. Because if he was, there would be nothing–not time or distance–that could stop him from putting in the effort to see where our bond could potentially lead us.

“The greatest gift you can give someone is your time.”

Does it hurt my heart? Of course. Is it disappointing? More than you could imagine. But (and this is my new favorite saying) it is what it is…

So guys, if you care about someone, let them know in different ways. Yes, texts are nice, but step it up. That’s not putting in effort. Send them a note, surprise them with a sweet package or flowers or even a visit. Give them your time. Something to let them know that they stand out from the rest and that you acknowledge that.

And ladies, don’t settle for less than that. You deserve to be romanced. You deserve to feel special. And when you find someone that does those things for you, thank them and let them know that their efforts are appreciated.

People say romance is dead. Well, the only way that’s true is if we let it die.

Don’t let that happen.

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2 Comments

  • Wow!! I feel like I am looking through a mirror when i am reading your thoughts. I have never read a blog that i can connect with as much as yours. Thank you for this!! Seriously.

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