“How come I can’t get a girlfriend? I’m a nice guy,” one of my undoubtedly nice guy friends bemoans to me yet again as he muses on the status of his singledom. This self-proclaimed niceness is true, he is a nice guy, I can attest to that. In the past I would have agreed, added some praise and reassured them that a lady who saw his value would come along. However, the latest time this convo came up once more, something new inside of me sparked. That spark said, “I see your niceness, I know it’s true and to that, pardon me dear homie, I say—so what? As a member of the demographic that you are hoping to court, I feel it my duty to speak up, post up and tell you that we expect much more than nice.” I’m not here to deny your niceness, anyone’s niceness or much less deny that it is of utmost importance. I’m here to ask what you can provide beyond that? If I’ve ruffled your feathers, good. That was the intended effect.
Being kind is the least common denominator; it is the bare minimum that is expected of us in relating to our fellow human beings. It is probably the biggest lesson that is bestowed upon us during our formative years of preschool and kindergarten, which is why I say: Tell me what you have mastered beyond an elementary school level. Show me what you have learned in the school of life. Interrogate me, investigate me, provide me with provoking thoughts and a thought-provoking narrative. Challenge me. Bring me to the places of the human experience that I have not yet lived. Bring value to my life. Let’s take each other by the hand as we leave the shallow end of the pool and wade to the deep end, and when we get there, let’s take the deepest breath we can and dive down to touch the bottom. When you take a seat at my table, be the exemplary guest–never rude and always with something to give. Contribute something to the feast that I guarantee I will be providing. You might be asking, “How do I do that?” Well, I’m so glad you asked, read on and I will tell you.
1. Be Knowledgable
Come with knowledge of music, books, film, hell even of cars! Be knowledgeable about something. Teach me about a topic or even a skill that I don’t know. What’s more, be in the constant pursuit of knowledge. Keep yourself, and in turn, me, learning, about you, about life, about me, about love! Together let’s be a fountain of knowledge and let’s continuously be striving to learn everything we can about all of the things, so that we can be two little human encyclopedias. And who doesn’t want to be an encyclopedia?
2. Be a Conversationalist
Know how to carry a conversation, and if you don’t know how to, work to cultivate that skill. It gives me such a heart on, hard on, all of the ons to find someone I can talk to for hours. Further, this is a skill that will sustain so much of our relationship. You have to be able to talk about anything and everything. It will cement our relationship in the sturdy foundation of friendship, which is vital for the longevity of our relationship. It is such a heart explosion to be dating one of your best friends. It gives me the best feeling to know that you can hold down as a lover and a friend.
3. Be Funny
Have a sense of humor. Laughter is the seasoning that adds the flavor to life. Come through like humor bae and sprinkle that shit on with finesse. You will literally be bringing immense joy to my life and giving me one of the best things you could give to someone, the gift of laughter! Major bonus points if you can provide both conversation and humor. Stimulating conversation and a sense of humor make for a dynamic and undeniable duo and pack a truly engaging punch.
4. Be a Lover
The female body is an instrument that longs to be beautifully played. Learn how to play it. Learn the moves, the frequency and the touch that will leave my female form tingling with satisfaction and joy. Know what it takes to bring happiness to my body. Admire my body, explore my body. Give to me as a lover and I will give to you. Delivering in the physical aspect of our relationship is a beautiful and invaluable way to make me feel appreciated and cherished. You will convey to me that you value my womanly figure and relish in my femininity. Invoking a little creativity, passion and initiative will have you well on your way to making this happen. I want to make love, I like to have sex, I just need a partner who is going to help me unveil my sexuality and who is going to show up when I unleash it.
5. Be Inspiring
Inspire me to step up my game to be better, so that we can rise and elevate together. Be the type of person I admire and aspire to be like. Do cool shit that will leave me in awe of you and everything you are and can be. Have me constantly wondering how you can be such a rad specimen of a human and proud to say, “that’s my human!”
While I realize this is all a very tall order, I challenge you and implore you to be more than “nice.” Be interesting. Be intriguing. Expand my life, my mind, my body. Reach down inside of you and pull forth all of your fucking epicness. That as a man, as a human, I know you have inside of you. I ask you to do this not just for me, but for yourself. The way to living your best relationship is to live your best life first. I can promise you I will do the same for you.