I told you guys before (I think) that everything I write about on here is inspired by something that’s happened to me or something I feel so strongly about that I need to elaborate with a post. I can’t just pull blog posts out of my ass.
So lately, since I’ve been tip-toeing back into the dating game, I’ve noticed that my (long) list of qualities I look for in a man has come back into play, and my idea of whether or not I’m being too picky has followed along behind it. But whenever I wonder about that, I remind myself: Don’t settle.
“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”
As I said, I do have a long list–it ranges from hobbies to hair color to height to education to their job to whether or not they smoke (Bruna is a no smoking zone)–and I don’t feel bad about it. Why? Because I feel like when you have a lot to offer, you should want the same in return.
I was having this conversation with my roommate recently over dinner. I was describing some gentlemen to her, their background, their schooling, their job and she got wide-eyed and said “too good to be true.” Then, she quickly retracted that statement and said something along the lines of, “Fuck that. Maybe not. Good for you!”
Now, let’s think about that for a second and realize what just happened. Here are two single, kind-hearted, smart young women with their shit together discussing guys, and the second we come across someone who seems like who we’ve desired, we assume it’s too good to be true. That’s so sad, but it happens.
We started talking about it a little more after, and kind of shunned ourselves for having that mentality. Why can’t we find guys like that? We deserve it. I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say that at least for myself, I’ve been constantly working (especially in the last two years) to be the right woman for my right partner. I have my flaws, as we all know, and I’m far from perfect, but I’m educated, I’m kind, I love without boundaries…so why is it so wrong of me to want my equal?
“It’s not wrong, Bruna!”
Then, why do people give others the third degree about being “too picky”?
I’ve had very similar conversations with many of my girlfriends (even some guys), who become pressured to be in a relationship by their family or even their own conscious, that they somehow manipulate their mind into thinking that settling for “good enough” is OK.
Stop that, right now.
I understand that it can become tireless and you can lose hope time and time again–beleeee dat! But I will never give up searching for my Mr. Right because in the deepest trenches of my heart, I truly believe he is out there. Poor son of a gun has probably been miserable waiting all this time for me 😉
However, I know words won’t make your doubts go away. And I can’t completely make you feel better if you’re on the same page as I am about all of this, but I do have some tips.
Law of Attraction states that you attract into your life what you put out. If you think positive, positive things will happen. And if you actually write (yes, get out a pen and paper) that list of qualities you hope to find in a mate and put it out into the universe, it just might bring that person to you. I know some of you rolling your eyes about this, and that’s fine, but what have you got to lose?
On that note, try to think of your top 4 qualities you want in your significant other, because certain things on your long list don’t hold as much weight as others. For example, if I find a guy that has everything I want but isn’t 6-foot or has sandy blond hair instead of brown, am I going to turn him away? Of course not. What a bitch move that is. So you gotta nail down what’s really important.
I posted mine on The Problem With Dating Instagram not too long ago.
They’re in no specific order, because in my mind all four on the same level, but those are traits I need in my man.
Stability in our relationship and in our life together would mean that he plans ahead and that he’s worked toward having a means of supporting his future family (not all by himself, of course). But knowing that he thinks about the future is important to me. A good heart is the umbrella of many characteristics everyone should want in someone: honesty, loyalty, empathy, kindness, etc.
Chemistry is not negotiable with me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again–I need passion in my relationship, and that also means I’m physically attracted to them. Although I have a “type” (so I’m told), I can be attracted to someone I’d least expect because of our chemistry. The passion and intensity may fade with time, but I at least need the memory of it being there, and I believe that will keep a bit of it alive throughout the years. I need someone who vibes with me and understands me and brings out the best in me.
Lastly, humor. I know that by my posts you guys think I’m funny. Who are we kidding? I’m fucking hilarious, ha. Just kidding, kinda. But anyway, even though I can make you or whoever laugh from time to time, I’m a very serious person when it comes to a lot of things in my life, so I need someone to lighten up the mood and be able to make me smile when all I’m doing is being stressed about who knows what. Plus, who doesn’t want to live their life laughing all the time?
So those are my top 4, and I encourage you guys to do the same, because once you’re done and you look over your list, you realize, “This is obtainable.”
I mean, if I really can’t find ONE man in the entire world who has stability, a good heart, good chemistry with me and is funny, then that’s depressing. There has to be at least one. Right? Just nod, please. Thanks.
Anyway, regardless of whether or not you make a list after reading this, I just really want you guys to never, ever settle. Don’t lose hope, don’t sell yourself short and fuck everyone (not literally, you heaux) who gives you shit for wanting to find that perfect person for you.
Good luck my friends.