Venice Beach freelancer becomes certain that the woman he just met is, “The One,” after learning she shares his same zip code.
During his usual Friday night hang out at Bros and Brews, consisting of–you guessed it–bros and brews, his bros grilled him, “Yo man, what makes you so sure she’s, ‘The One?’ How do you really know?”
In less time than it takes to update your Snap story, he replied, “I just know, man. My top two requirements are that she be a woman and that we live in the same zip code, and she fits both. What are the odds of that?!”
He added, “And you guys know my motto, ‘never east of Lincoln.’ It’s fate.”
He is already imagining all their sweet sunset surf sessions at Breakwater, all the time he won’t be having to sit in traffic just to get laid and all the Instagram photo ops where you know he will be able to incorporate the hashtag #locallove.
Love, sex, living all within a one mile radius and the comfort of his neighborhood–it was a true Venice Beach boardwalk fairy tale, if you will.
Meanwhile, his bros, all feeling local love envy, are certain they won’t be expanding the radius on their dating apps and are now looking to their buddy for #relationshipgoals.
This is part of The Problem With Dating’s satirical column, AKA Love. In other words, this shit didn’t actually happen (to our knowledge).