Man Credits Dating Success to Wearing an Obscene Amount of Cologne

Downtown working professional wears no less than an entire bottle of cologne on the daily as he has found this to be a clear and effective way to announce to women that he has come into their vicinity.

He claims, “This is a sure way to connect with the ladies. I don’t even have to look or talk to them, just one whiff and they know I have arrived.” An announcement for the nostrils, if you will.

No looks, no words, just one whiff and the ladies know he is there. In fact, everyone knows he is there. There is no way you don’t know he is there. He leaves a trail of the smell of his cologne wherever he goes. Even hours after he’s been somewhere, it’s evident he was there.

Furthermore, he cites his generous application of cologne as the No. 1 secret to his dating success! He tells his skeptical friends, “Sixty percent of the time, it works every time. Come on, would Ron lie to us? No one can resist the scent of Conquest.”

They, however, remain unconvinced and aren’t so sure they should trust someone taking real life dating advice from the movie Anchorman. His questionable approach only adds to the already forming headaches for his friends, who are constantly overwhelmed with his scent. Despite all of this, however, his buddies each have a bottle of Conquest in their Amazon shopping cart, determined to get the ladies to fall for them, two nostrils at a time.

This is part of The Problem With Dating’s satirical column, AKA Love. In other words, this shit didn’t actually happen (to our knowledge).

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