“Love Is a Decision, Not a Feeling”

Hi friends,

After writing about soul mates, I came across this post on Facebook that kinda struck me as ironic because it deals with similar discussion points that I brought up. I don’t know if this is a true story or not. Regardless, I think you might take something away from this.

Some parts really resonated with me while other points seemed debatable, but overall, it made me think (and that’s always a good thing). So I thought I’d share it with you. Feel free to shout out your thoughts in the comments below.

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Are you with the right partner?

During a seminar, a woman asked, “How do I know if I am with the right person?”

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so she said, “It depends. Is that your partner?”

In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know? Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.”

Here’s the answer:

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there, doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they call at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens) and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner). Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a decision. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.

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1 Comment

  • Wow, this is a great article. I guy like myself who is ALL ABOUT the “falling in love and the natural feelings”, I can honestly say I agree with about 98℅ of the article. The only part I may have a problem with is IF the author is saying that you can basically be with anyone as long as you learn how to love them.

    “The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.”

    Like the person I’m going out with now (who I’m not in love with), is just as good enough for me (because I need to learn how to love them), than waiting to meet someone else to fall in love with. For me I rather be with and commit to someone who I am in love with, and than work “dad in day out” keeping our love growing by learning how to love her even more, than to just pick someone and put in the work. Anyhow, great article none the less.

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