“Let’s Just Keep Things Casual”–WTF Does That Mean?!

Casual…hmph.

I’m beginning to despise that word, but guys sure are throwin’ that around a lot these days.

He says: “Let’s just keep it casual.”

You hear: “Oh, you thought I actually care about your feelings? No. I just want to have sex with you without having to deal with any of the emotional baggage that may come with it. And then I’ll hook up with other girls, too. Because I can.”

Seriously. Can things ever, really be casual these days? I know a bunch of us try to make it happen, and some of us may lie and say it can work, but quit the bullshit. At some point, whether you like it or not, someone gets feelings. Or maybe they had feelings from the jump, but tried to hide them because they thought being “casual” was better than being nothing.

We all know this, but we continue to try and defy the odds. And then you just end up in limbo AKA the gray area, pretending not to care about the person (that you secretly stalk 24/7) because…why? You guys are just cazh.

I try to wrap my head around this concept, and I don’t think it’s necessarily impossible, but it’s tough. See, in my opinion, this would only work if A.) the sex isn’t that great and/or B.) You’re not that attracted to the person.

But, if option A was the case, then why even go through with it? And option B is subject to change over time.

However, I know that even after reading this, you’re still going to come across a “casual” situation and attempt to go through with it, so (because I care about you) at least try to follow these rules:

1. Don’t make it a sleepover. Do the deed and be done with it. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Once you guys get comfortable and end up sleeping next to each other, the cuddling will be inevitable. And once the cuddling happens, there’s no turning back.

2. Keep the kissing to a minimum. No cute pecks on the cheek or out-of-the-blue smooches. You kiss while you’re in the moment.

3. Should you break rule No. 1, do not cook him breakfast in the morning. You’ll think you’re being cute and that he’ll see that you’d be an awesome girlfriend but in reality, he will eat your food and think nothing of it. Then, he’ll expect it each time.

4. Don’t discuss your life with each other. Your hopes and dreams, background, family…all of that should not be talked about.

5. I know this all sounds very intense and dramatic, but that’s because it is. Think of it as a business proposal. Know what you’re getting yourself into. And because Judge Judy always says to put things in writing, consider printing and filling out this booty call agreement:

BootyCallAgreement

 

I know how hard this can be. I’ve been in this type of situation before and broken every single rule. I can’t help it. I’m a romantic.

Just understand what’s going on. If you don’t want things to be casual, then don’t do it. Don’t go in with false hope, expecting casual to turn…formal? (Whatever, you know what I mean.) I’m not saying that would never happen, but you have to ask yourself–Is it worth putting your heart on the line?

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