It’s a Breakup, Not Death: You’ll Be Just Fine (I Promise!)

“But Bruna, the relationship is over. There was a death. Our love died.”

OK, I get it, and please believe me–I’m not trying to come off insensitive or harsh, but with things like this, I’ve learned that a good friend is the one that gives it to you straight. So if this post pertains to you, picture me sitting beside you, holding your hand and rubbing your back while nodding my head at everything you say through those crocodile tears. And then, with love, I say this: Pull yourself together.

Breakups are a bitch. We all know that. I’ve been through my fair share of them and thought the world was over, true love doesn’t exist and I’m not worthy of a quality man. And then shortly after I thought, “What am I saying? I’m fucking awesome and this is ridiculous.”

Everyone deals with a split differently, and while there are no sure-fire, easy ways to get over a breakup, there are definitely tips to help you come out the other end with your heart (and brain) in tact.

You probably noticed by now that I love quotes. Here’s one by Rose Kennedy that I found interesting:

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

I partially agree with that statement, and I also partially agree that, yes, time does heal all wounds. It all depends what you do with that time that makes a difference.

The Stages

1. Life Sucks: Give yourself a grieving period. Cry your heart out. Eat a shitload of fatty foods while watching your collection of rom-coms or listening to sappy love songs. No judgment there. However! Give yourself a time limit for all of this. It’s been said that it takes half the amount of time of your relationship to get over someone. If you were together for three years, then it would take a year and half to get over it…so they say. Well, you know what I say? AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.

When I get sad over a guy, I go to one of my girlfriends and tell her, “One week. I am only allowed to obsess and get depressed over this for one week. After that, no more.” Am I saying all the pain and heartache will vanish in just seven days? Of course not. But it helps to put a time table on things, because it’s on to the next stage.

2. Distractions: They’re a double-edged sword for one reason–they usually don’t last long. That still doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy them. The first thing that usually comes to mind is, “Let’s go out!” Get all dolled up, go out to a bar or club with your friends, get some attention from strangers to remind you that you still got it. It’s all fun and a great way to forget about whats-his-face. Just understand that this will get old quickly.

Some better distractions are picking up a hobby or starting a new project. Take an art class, learn a new language, go to the gym, redecorate your apartment…do things that interest you! As long as you switch your focus onto something else, you’ll realize there is just not enough time in the day to dwell about someone that (unfortunately) probably isn’t dwelling over you.

  • 2a. Rebounds: They’re just that. A rebound. Someone to get flirty with, text you when you need to be texted, maybe give you the sexy time you’ve been missing, but if you know from the start this is not someone you could see yourself with, then make sure to draw that line and not let yourself get emotionally invested. And it might be nice to let them know that, too.

3. Moving On: Alas, you can breathe again. However much time later, you find that you are OK again, and as amazing as that feels, it most often than not comes with a test. Have you ever noticed that once you’ve finally stopped revolving your world around someone, they pop back into your life? It’s the most annoying shit ever.

People can tell when you’re all about them, and because they feel like they have you wrapped around their finger, they don’t care to put in any work–to them, you’ll always be there regardless. But the SECOND it’s not all about them anymore, they make sure to try and give you a friendly reminder. This is where you gotta stay strong.

If they really wanted to be in your life, they’d be in it and even more importantly, they would have never left. They just don’t want to see you happy without them being the reason, and that’s not a good enough reason to invest your time, energy and heart into someone, because guess what?

The world didn’t end, true love does exist and you are worth it…so much more than you can even comprehend. And when the right person comes along they’ll notice that and you’ll realize that it doesn’t have to be that hard.

I promise.

P.S. To my male readers (who I value and cherish), I hope this post brought you at least a little bit of insight, but in case it didn’t, I didn’t want to leave you empty-handed. Here’s an article from The Frisky on breakup advice for guys. Hope it helps!

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