Independence and Intimidation: When Women Got It Going On, the Guys Get Scared

Ain’t that some bullshit?

I remember when I first started college and began planning out my goals and ways to achieve them, my mentor told me, “Bruna, I just want you to know–this is going to be very tough for you when it comes to meeting a guy. Not a lot of men can handle a woman that’s successful.”

Psh, whatchu talkin’ about Willis?! I just scoffed at him and told him that I’ll be fine. Especially because at the time I was in a very serious relationship with a guy who completely supported me and my dreams. But whaddya know? Fast forward a couple years, and everything he said had happened.

Suddenly, the closer I got to making my career happen, the further south my relationship went. So, after three years together, the guy who told me he wanted to get married became another ex-boyfriend, and I went on to receive my degree and start my career a week after graduation. (Granted, we had other issues, but it was still crazy to see the shift in his personality.)

And it wasn’t long before I noticed that he wasn’t the only guy like that. Men always claim that they praise smart women who have it all together. “I want a bad bitch,” some of them say (yeah, I’m kinda shaking my head, too, but whatever). Well, guess what? There’s a fairly large number of women out there who are very self-sufficient, intelligent and amazing, and yet…single. Why? Well, these might be a couple reasons:

1. Ego: This tiny word can be so destructive. We’d like to think that society has surpassed the traditional gender roles that were distinguished years and years ago, and yes, we’ve come a long way, but it’s still an issue. A lot of men continue to feel an obligation to be the bread winner in the relationship, so if they meet a woman that’s making more cash flow than they are, suddenly they feel like a lost puppy with their penis tucked back. What’s up with that?

On the flip side, if a successful woman dates someone who maybe isn’t as established as she is or has the same social status, she’s an idiot. I cannot tell you how many times my friends told me, “Bruna, he’s not on your level.” Now, I’ll admit–I don’t have the best taste in men and 90% of the time, they’re right. But my main concern was never whether or not he made six figures or if his job was prestigious. I want butterflies. I want passion. I want chemistry. If I’m dumb for placing those at a higher standard, then so be it.

2. Age: Another thing my friends always told me, “Date older.” Women seem to get their shit together a lot sooner than men do, especially if they’re driven and ambitious. So a lot of the time, once a lady hits her mid-20s–such as myself and a lot of my girlfriends–she’s set. Unfortunately, a lot of the guys in our age bracket are not in the same place. They’re either still finishing up school, figuring out what they want to do, or, for the ones whoare doing their thing (actually, even if they’re not), becoming little players and getting with a bunch of women. Because of that, I tend to always look at a guy and see his potential. Alright Bruna, he doesn’t have a great job, but he’s smart and seems like he knows what to do. With time he could become this ideal version of himself that you’re picturing in your head.

So bad. So, so bad. It’s great to have high hopes for people and believe in them, but at the same time, you’re beginning to place expectations that may never be met, and that’s ultimately going to lead you to disappointment and resentment for devoting time into someone who might have never even had the same vision as you in the first place.

3. Timing: Timing is everything. We’ve talked about that before. This kinda goes hand-in-hand with age. I’ve met a number of guys who would tell me that I’m marriage material. Wow, thank you. So then, why are you now dating this basic chick who has nothing going on? I’ve talked to some of my guy friends about this and it basically boils down to this: If a guy isn’t ready to settle down, he’s not going to date a woman who he can see himself settling down with. It’s actually pretty simple. Although you might be a catch, and he knows that, if he’s not ready to put in the work of being with a quality woman (who might potentially be the last woman he ever dates), he won’t. He’ll run around with these girls that are disposable (as sad as that sounds) because he already knew from the start that nothing serious would come of it.

And then we’re left with the shitty end of the stick. Personally, I feel like if you meet someone worthy of spending time with, you don’t let them slip by. Regardless of whether your schedule is busy or you’re not sure if you’re ready to be in a relationship–this person is amazing and showing interest. You’re really going to just let that opportunity pass up? Try it out. See what happens. Nothing is guaranteed from the start, and no one wants to look back and wonder “What if?” Plus, maybe when the time comes that you’re ready, they’ve already found someone else and you missed your chance.

I can’t speak for all men. Hell, I can’t speak for all women either. I can only speak for myself and my close girlfriends who are in the same ordeal as I am, and if you’re in the same boat as us, don’t give up. Do I get pissed when I meet a guy I like and suddenly my achievements become an issue? Fuck yes. Is that going to stop me from continuing to achieve greatness? Fuck no.

Do you. Continue to work your ass off and make that money, because “the right man will love all the things about you that the wrong man was intimidated by.”

I truly believe that.

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