Fellas, I’m trying to help you out here, so pay attention.
An ongoing problem with dating that I, and a number of my girlfriends, have had to deal with is this ridiculous idea guys have about telling us what they think we wanna hear instead of what’s really going on.
Before I go any further, gentleman, know this: We will always find out. It could be in a day, a month, a year…The truth will come out. Hell, we could already know the truth before you even begin to spill a lie. And when that happens, it won’t be good.
So with that said, just keep it 100. Honestly. And I’m not just referring to big situations like cheating, for example. I’m talking about anything–your job, dating status, school, friends, hobbies, you name it. In fact, the little things are the most important, because if you’re going to lie about something so small, then what else are you lying about?
For example: You (the guy) are hanging out with your buddies at a friend’s house for a guys’ night, which is why your girlfriend wasn’t invited to tag along. A couple girls end up showing up. Why? Who knows. One of your single guy friends (that your girl probably despises) invited them over. You and your girl are texting and at one point she asks, “Oh, who’s all there?”
This is where you either really fuck up or really shine through.
Many times, the guy will say, “Oh, just the guys, you know…(names).” And it’s not that you (the guy) are trying to be shady or sneaky or anything like that. You’re trying to avoid a fight, right? Because if you tell her that some girls showed up, she’ll get pissed and you don’t wanna deal with it, right? Well, stop right there. That’s the stupidest shit in the world.
First off, she’ll find out who was there whether you say something or not, either by Instagram pictures or comments or Facebook check-ins or hearsay…whatever. You don’t have to actively stalk these days to find things out. And if she sees that without hearing it from you, it’s all bad.
Would she have been bothered if you said girls showed up? Probably annoyed, yes. But now it’s ten times worse, because you lied about it and you look like you’re trying to hide something when in fact you’re not. So you just buried yourself in a hole for something so dumb.
The best thing to do is tell the truth–“Yeah its the guys and these girls (so-and-so) just showed up.”
If you wanna go above and beyond, you extend an invite–“So much for guys night, right? Stop by if you’re not busy.”
Right there, you were honest, you didn’t seem like a sketch ball and you made her feel included and reassured. The invite alone means a lot.
Communication and trust is key. If you lose communication, you begin losing trust and without trust you have nothing. We, as women, get emotional, we know that. And we know that sometimes it seems like the smarter idea is to just avoid the situation entirely, but think about it: Would you rather endure a few minutes (maybe an hour if she’s really intense) of tension or do something that she’ll pull out during every argument–“Well, you lied about this so how do I know you’re telling the truth?!”
Here’s the main thing–we don’t like to look like a fool. When you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re accepting that they’re being faithful and honest and respectful with your heart. So hearing about shit from other people or getting caught like a deer in headlights because your own man didn’t give you the real story makes us feel stupid for believing you, so we won’t want to risk looking like an idiot again.
You want to maintain that solid foundation because once that begins to crack, everything else crumbles. And all you’re left with is a big mess.