Giving Second Chances: It Happens to the Best of Us (But Don’t Be Dumb About It)

I thought it was only appropriate that I wrote about giving someone a second chance after writing about breakups, because the truth is, no matter how many times you say, “I’m done,”  chances are you’re not.

And that’s perfectly OK–you cared about this person, you wanted it to work out, so you do what you think is only fair by giving them another shot. Just make sure that you go into round two with your head on straight and your heart fully aware of what’s happening so you don’t get burned twice.

People make mistakes (that’s just life), so giving this person a second chance doesn’t mean you’re weak or stupid. With that said, I’m  hoping that you can also see the difference between issues that warrant another go around and issues that don’t:

*Cheating and lying: It sucks, but we can work at this.

*Physical abuse: Run for the hills and don’t look back.

Some people will beg for your forgiveness the moment you decide to split, while others come back at that stage we talked about previously (you know–when you’re super happy and living life without them but they’re like, “Hey, remember me?!”). Regardless, you have a decision to make–either you say sayonaraand that’s that, or you give this relationship another try.

If you chose option No. 2, this is what you need to know:

1. Think with your head, but take your heart with you:Obviously, you know how much this person is capable of hurting you, and you need to understand that it might happen again. Unfortunately, if that’s the case, you need to tell your heart to shut up with the whole, “Oh, it’s just another slip-up…They won’t do it again” stupidity, because your brain is trying to shout, “They will! They will!” And you know why? Because you keep letting them. You already know the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Don’t allow yourself to look like an idiot.

2. Leave the past in the past: By giving someone a second chance, you are forgiving them for what they have done and moving forward. You cannot move forward if you’re always looking back. It’s fucking hard, but you can’t keep bringing up the hurtful things that were done and you can’t keep punishing them for the same thing over and over. You should have had the talk in the beginning–the scolding, the WTF, the whys, the if-you-do-it-again-we’re-over-for-real (which, by the way, don’t say that if you already know you won’t stick to it)–so there’s no need to do all that again. You said your peace, so if you want to give the relationship another chance, then actually give it a chance.

3. When it’s done, it’s done: Some people value a second chance and make it work. Others just don’t care and continue their shitty ways. Ain’t nobody got time for those people. You opened your heart up again, you believed in this person and you risked getting hurt again in order to salvage the relationship. If they don’t appreciate that enough to treat you right, then there’s no need to even think about being with this person. Treating someone poorly shows disrespect, and if someone doesn’t respect you, they sure as hell don’t love you. Stop wasting your time with these people. They don’t deserve you.

Here’s another quote I love: “When your heart’s on fire, you get smoke in your eyes.”

Make sure you see things for what they really are, and if it’s not the picture you wanted to envision, then toss it and pick up a blank canvas, because there’s someone out there who’s been waiting forever to paint a beautiful piece of artwork for you.

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