Find Yourself to Find “The One”

The one. Do you really exist, or are you some mythical phantom unicorn that I can only dream of? In my personal pursuit of trying to find you thus far, I’ve come up short, but it definitely was not and has not been from lack of effort on my part. I’ve searched far and wide, I’ve entertained, dated, even married, but to no avail, I’ve managed to come back to this space of solitude. I’m not even complaining, though. This is just where I’ve landed. At this point, it’s pretty apparent I’m medium-key skeptical of this whole “soul mate” thing, and I’m among an overwhelming majority of others who feel the exact same way, because we’ve all been in the trenches of failed relationships, hurt feelings and questions of whether you’ll ever find someone. Sonny from A Bronx Tale once said, “You get three great ones.” I mean, I don’t know what Sonny was on, but I’m gonna say that’s a stretch, because if we all had even one great one, maybe two, then I’d like to think we’d ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. But life doesn’t always seem to work out that way.

While going through some really rocky parts of my marriage, I was referred a book titled What Did You Expect? by Paul Tripp, which I’d recommend to anyone, whether you’re in a relationship or not. One of the main concepts I took away from the book was the unrealistic expectation and selfish desires we place on our partner because of what we believe our relationship should be.

Relationships of any kind (business/personal/casual) are successfully built on love, respect, sacrifice, communication, commitment, and reciprocity to name a few. These seem pretty straightforward and I’m sure you’re thinking, “Jacky, you’re right, it’s so simple. I want to find someone with all these deeming qualities that will love me for me!” Yeah, no shit. Except when you factor in the reality of life and the inevitable truth that people are dealing with their own baggage, you realize that they may not be able to give you all of these things. And that may seem disappointing, but they’re not supposed to or even required to.

There’s a sense of self-love and self-care you need to have first to even understand if a person is capable of loving you the way you need to be loved. As my mother always taught me–You have to teach people how to love you. I’d like to add to that and say, if you don’t know how to love yourself, you damn sure cannot teach someone else how to love you. I hate to break it to you, but if that’s what you’re on, you’re not ready and that relationship is likely to fail.

Deep down in my soul, I know all the things I desire in a romantic relationship will come true, not the way I want them to, but the way they’re supposed to. The fact that I’ve given it thought and prayer is enough. I have faith it will manifest itself. I always said regardless of how my first commitment to God went down, I’d never be the bitter guy, the guy who doesn’t believe love exists, because I believe it truly does. It’s just a matter of right timing coinciding with you being ready.

Being a husband, wife, or partner is no small feat and it’s not for everyone. I know whomever I end up with will have flaws, because I’m for sure going to come in with some, and all I can do is hope that after she becomes aware of them, she’ll still have some f–ks to give to try and work them out with me. All I can do is pay attention to her, talk to her and love her, while simultaneously preparing myself to be the best mate I can be to her and for her, and to do that, I can’t forget about taking care of me, too, because if I’m not happy, it’s going to be impossible to genuinely make her happy. Work on yourself and love yourself, and throughout that process, God, The Universe, whoever or whatever you believe in, will work out all the details. Have faith, be patient and be great!

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