Dating Diary: When I Realized Tinder Was Just to Hook Up

Dear Dating Diary,

I know I can be a little naive at times–yes, I admit it–but I refused to acknowledge that Tinder was just to you-know-what. I got the dating app after my guy friend raved about how entertaining it was and that there was no pressure to meet anyone, so I figured it was a safe bet.

I got it and became hooked. It was very addicting (Got some free time? Get on Tinder and judge people in the comfort of your own home) and it was also an ego-booster (Match. Match. Match. Match. Oh, message!). My former roommate kept telling me she heard it was just an app to hook up with people but I kept telling her Nooo, I don’t think so. Mm, she was right.

I ended up meeting a few guys from Tinder. Most of them were very normal and a few were actually very cool people who I still keep in touch with to this day. And then there was this guy…

He initially became one of my heartbreaking losses, in that I accidentally swiped left when I meant to swipe right. Ugh! But, to my excitement, he reappeared another day. I took it as a sign and very carefully pressed yes. “It’s a match!” Woot Woot! We began messaging back and forth and then exchanged numbers. He would text me throughout the day a lot and actually called me a few times, which I liked. A guy who actually uses the phone for it’s main purpose?!

Anyway, we got to know each other better through these daily conversations and I found myself getting hopeful again. He was attractive, sweet, funny, had a good job and seemed like a good guy (although he did call me “baby” a lot, which I hate! Blegh!). We finally made plans to meet up and I was really nervous. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I told him I’d meet him at the place (because that’s the safe thing to do).

So I drove to Downtown LA, where we were going to have pizza and beer at this bar. If you don’t know, DTLA can be pretty sketchy, especially at night, so I was very impressed when he called me to find out where I parked so he could walk me to the place. Bonus points.

He came to my car and right away I was taken by him. Just as handsome in person (no surprises here) and he smelled amazing (good cologne is my weakness). He was very affectionate from the get-go, which I found to be a little forward, but it wasn’t anything too extreme so I didn’t make a big deal about it. When we finally sat down, he ordered me pizza and beer and paid for everything which was nice. But his coworker’s friend was also there. So it was the three of us. Sitting there.

I’m a people person and can turn almost any awkward situation around, but this is a date. WTH are you doing? I’ll tell you what he’s doing–not talking to me. We communicated about three times while at the bar, which mainly consisted of him telling me, “You look really beautiful tonight.” Thanks, that’s very nice. But when you tell me that over and over again and that’s pretty much all you have to say–I’m over it.

So, I’m eating my pizza and watching whatever’s on the TV while he talks to his male companion on the other side of him. He keeps trying to order me more drinks but I refuse. Then he suggests we go to a different bar. Ditch his coworker’s friend? I’m into it. I offer to drive us since it was a little too far to walk (and I wanted to be in control of where and what was happening).

We get to the bar and while we were getting out of the car, he snuck in and kissed me. A part of me was annoyed because…no. Another part of me didn’t mind too much. I hadn’t been kissed in a while. After his sneak peck attack, we go into the bar and things quickly go downhill. Suddenly, he’s all over me and I’m just not into it. He even bit my shoulder. You read that right.

At this point, I was ready to go. We get back in the car so I can drive him back to his car (I should have just left him there. I’m too nice). During the drive, he tries to be slick and put his hand in places he should be nowhere near. So I hit him. Not in the face. And not as hard as I wanted to. But he backed off.

I get to his car and just pull up to the driver’s side. He said, “Park the car.” I said no, obviously. He didn’t seem too happy. “I knew this was gonna happen,” he said and just got out of the car and left.

I drove home crying that night. I felt gross. I can’t clearly describe the emotions that went through me at that moment, but he just made me feel like sex was all that I could offer a guy. He didn’t care to get to know me. The sad part is he wasn’t the first guy to make me feel that way. I think that’s what made me cry.

Anyway, the next day he texted me with something along the lines of, “Hey! I had a great time last night. We should do it again soon.” Cue my WTF face. I wanted to respond with, “Were we on the same date?” but instead I settled for ignoring his message. So, I didn’t respond. A few weeks later, he texted me again with, “Are you alive?” This time, I wanted to participate.

“Yep,” I said. He then asked when I’d be available for pizza and wine (really? Pizza and wine?). And, because I hate wasting anyone’s time, especially my own, I blatantly told him that I didn’t want to see him again. He asked why and told me how much he liked me, blah blah blah. So I told him.

“Well, if you really like a girl, don’t make her feel like all you wanna do is get in her pants.”

“Man, I fucked up. I’m sorry. I really liked you. I was too nervous.”

“Oh well.”

End scene.

I deleted Tinder after that date, because, unfortunately, I don’t need an app to help me find creeps.

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  • I will agree with you that probably it’s not the best place to find someone who is serious about dating. Here’s my experience with the app…

    I’m committed and trying to find something real. I’m a very selective guy, but not in the physical aspect. While attraction is important, I believe it’s imperative to have a strong emotional connection. I prefer a couple great intellectual conversations before I consider seeing someone real life (assuming we’ve met only only). So I meet a woman and we decide to go out…

    1st date… we hadn’t touched the subject of our previous relationships before (and still not encouraged to talk about it in the first date), but she admits that she’s just fresh out of a relationship (first flag). As we continue having drinks throughout the night at a bar and having a great time meeting people around, she tells me that she is “super turned on” by me and has the “sudden great desire to just do it here and now in the parking lot.” Now, while the old me would’ve jumped on this easy decision, the real me skipped on the offer. I’m more respectful and I figured this could’ve been the vodka talking to me. Figured if it was something serious, it would develop later through other dates… maybe. Needless, I asked her about the night the next day and she said she remembered everything and was disappointed I didn’t take her offer. It was done there.

    Later…. I said, fuck it, I’ll give the app another try. I clicked “like” on this woman, who I was not all that attracted to really, but in the end we had an instant connection. We talked for over a month an a half. Every day we texted and had a couple of phone conversations. This person exhibited all my top traits. She was smart, outgoing, independent, funny, and ambitious. When I asked for us to meet, she drops a bomb that she actually has a kid. I probably would’ve said, “deuces!” before, but I felt a strong connection, I had already invested some time with her, and I had a previous experience with dating someone with a kid before, so I said I didn’t mind. So we finally meet up…

    1st date… It was a little awkward at first, like any date, especially when you don’t realize how to act with someone you feel like you already know, but yet have never seen before in person. We had a good conversation…until she drank one too many. Never had a girl get drunk on the first date, so I was a little disappointed. I let it go, cause I figured she was very nervous (first flag). I wanted to kiss her, but I waited the whole night in her care till 3 a.m until she got sober to do so.

    2nd date… went to have dinner and visited different bars around my hot spots. Met my bartender friends and had a great time. Nothing happened beside some make out sessions.

    3rd date…. took it back old school and had dinner and a movie. At this point, this is a little intimate. I only go to movies with friends or woman that at least I’m seriously dating. Why? Because movie dates are a bad idea when you’re trying to get to know someone and you’re both stuck next to each other and have to be silent for over an hour and a half straight.

    4rd date… decided to pick her up by surprise and have a fun night out on a Monday. We did. It was great. We spent the night that day. I was doubtful on how things might change, since every time this has happened it has never ended well. What starts fast, ends fast. Fortunately, I saw that next morning and surprised her at work. Things went well… for a while.

    Now, I don’t open up very quickly. She knew that. But I started caring since probably the second date. The conversations where that great. She always said she liked that I had opened myself to her. I hadn’t told a girl I actually missed her or even liked her. Heck, I surprised her with flowers at work and she loved it. I wanted to make sure she knew I was serious about us and since I’m straight forward.

    Long story short…. the conversations began dying out suddenly. Eventually she admitted she was dating another guy at the same time she was dating me. She was unsure of the way her life was going and didn’t know what she wanted in a man. She just knew she liked me. She also liked the other guy. I made it easier for her and ended it. She wasn’t ready for something serious. She was smart and outgoing, but she lacked confidence and a reality check!

    I deleted the app the next day. My point. There are women there who also don’t know exactly what they’re looking for and just want an adventure.

  • So glad to know I’m not the only one who has had sour experiences with Tinder and deleted it after being led on by Mr Liar.

    Eric glad you had a long reply that made two people who are not tinder obsessed and are actually looking for a relationship. Well after my heartbreak I’m not even looking anymore.

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