Dating Diary: The Drunk Guy That Tried to Touch My Privates

Dear Dating Diary,

This one is a shorty but a goodie, and how do I know that? Because every time I think about this story, I remember the face one of my best guy friends made after I told it to him. So here it is…sigh.

A couple of years ago, I went to a journalism convention in San Diego. I was really stoked about it, too. Not because it was a journalism convention (I’m not THAT geeky), but because I’d never actually been to San Diego. I know, shame on me. So I was ready to party it up with my college pals down at the Gas Lamp District at night and learn some fundamental traits in writing the news during the day.

Our first night there, four of my girlfriends and I got all dolled up and hit the party scene. We went to this well known club on the strip and were having a great time. At one point, I felt a guy come up and dance behind me and looked to my girls for some sort of assistance in determining whether I should pull away or go with it.

Surprisingly, I got approving facial expressions so I did a little glance back to see what I was working with and–gasp–he was a cutie! A drunk cutie, but a cutie.

He then offered me a sip of his Adios Motherfucker, to which I gave him a “Do-you-think-I’m-stupid” look (ain’t nobody got time to get drugged by a stranger in San Diego). He continued to offer it to me, I continued to decline. That was annoying but whatever we kept dancing.

And then…

He attempted to put his hand up my skirt so that he could cop a feel of my V. I instantly slapped his hand away and for some reason, that inspired him to recite a famous lyric from the 1994 Tag Team classic, “Whoomp! There it is!”

Judging by his aim, he wouldn’t know where anything is if it hit him in the face.


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  • Lol. I shouldn’t be laughing but I am. Sorry lol. But I’m not laughing at the fact that you almost got violated, but on the telling of the story. I find it funny actually lol. I think that’s the best part with writing and loving it. When you can turn a crazy night into something to just laugh about or have others join in… of course once you’re okay. It’s like when a friend falls, you first check to see if they’re okay and then you laugh your ass off. Either way, writing freely about this sure beats sitting in some corner feeling bad about yourself or wondering if you are to blame for why someone feels they could try their luck and disrespect you. But back to how it all started. So did the girls missed a drunk asshole for a “cutie”? Or does a drunk asshole gets a pass for being a “cutie”? I’ve never been a fan of drunk people. So reckless and irresponsible… in my humble opinion : D. I hear things like, “I can’t have fun unless I’m drunk.” What!? And I think it’s an excuse for anyone to “blame it on the alcohol”, as Jamie Foxx would say. I think people are what they are. The alcohol just makes them do/be what they are without any care or feeling embarrassed. Next thing you know it’s… I’m sorry for cheating; It was the alcohol; I was drunk. Oh wait, we already do that now lol.

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