Chemistry, Butterflies and Passion: Important or Overrated?

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

Hi, that’s me.

I wrote that quote down because I love it so much, and I think it’s a simple yet perfect way of describing different views of a relationship.

I’ve realized that over the last couple years, I’ve become a lot more guarded with my heart and a helluva lot pickier than I used to be. I get scolded by so many of my close friends because “I don’t give guys a chance,” or because I give the wrong guy too many chances. Guilty. But when I feel that connection, I can’t ignore it. And when I don’t feel it, I can’t fake it.

I’ve met plenty of guys who are amazing on paper–great job, stable, nice, etc. But the chemistry’s just not there for whatever reason and it’s so freakin’ annoying. But then what? Am I forced to continue seeing this guy because his dating resume looks good? Am I a bad person for cutting it off? I hope not.

I need that passion. I need those butterflies going fucking crazy in my stomach and my heart beating like I just drank six Red Bulls for no reason. Maybe I’m stupid for placing so much emphasis on that alone, but I’d be settling otherwise. And that can’t end well.

“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn’t be one of them.”

However, let’s be real here. Sometimes it’s a false alarm and it’s just your wiener or cooter yelling, “I WANT THAT,” when they really have nothing to offer you. It happens to all of us–physical attraction is usually what initially leads you to that person. Just remember, it’s what’s behind that pretty face that’s going to keep you there.

Anyhooter, sometimes I wonder if I’m being unrealistic. People say all that passion fades with time anyway, so why let the absence of it become a deal breaker? A part of me understands that, but another part of me can’t accept it.

Then Justin Long’s all on my ass about the “spark” and how it’s BS in He’s Just Not That Into You:

“The spark thing is bullshit…Guys invented the spark so they could not call, and treat you kinda bad, and keep you guessing…and they convince you that, that anxiety and that fear that just develops naturally is actually just a spark. And you guys all buy it; you eat it up, and you love it. You love it because you feed off that, that drama. You all love that drama…

And let me guess, when you were stalking Conor the other night, were you obsessing about him calling – constantly – pacing back and forth, staring at your phone for days, even though the date was kinda just mediocre?

Look, you’ve gotta be more like me; if a girl likes me–great. But if not? There are plenty more out there like her.”

So, I wanna hear from you–my fellow peers in the dating world–are the chemistry, butterflies, passion, so on and so forth, important or overrated in a relationship?

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