Can I Be Both Independent & Vulnerable?

Sometimes I wonder if being an independent woman hinders my ability to be vulnerable in someone’s eyes. I know I’ve expressed that worry to you guys before, but I recently came across a bunch of old notes I wrote and one had to do with this fear.

As Liz Hernandez told me during my interview with her, sometimes we get so hung up on being that independent woman, that we build up this wall without even knowing it. Sure, it’s great to be self-sufficient, but we can’t let that toughen up our soft side, too.

It’s been something I’ve continuously worked on, and coming across this old note was a good reminder that I can be both.

I feel like I’ve been working towards being what I was afraid I couldn’t be when I wrote the note below, so I wanted to share it with you in hopes that you can feel encouraged in knowing you don’t have to sacrifice one attribute to be another:

To be independent is to be free, yet lonely. Many believe as a woman being independent stands for strength and liberty. Although it might, at times its hard to decipher whether being independent is a positive or negative trait. It could be a mixture of both. I’m actually quite positive it is. Growing up with a single mother who not only taught me but showed me what independence is really gave me hope for the future. The hope that no matter what may happen in my life, I will be fine on my own two feet. But, by living a life where independence is preached and valued I wonder if that characteristic will diminish my vulnerability. The acceptance of love from another. The willingness to be weak in someones eyes. The ability to depend on someone else when I feel too tired to depend on myself. Am I building too thick of a shield? Will I have to compromise my independence to feel real love? Or can I have it all? Is it possible to be both? Can I be that gentle soft woman who depends on no one but herself? Or will I just be that–A strong independent woman, living life all on her own. If I can’t have it all, which do I sacrifice?

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1 Comment

  • Though I love this quote…

    “Never get too busy making a living… that you forget to make a life.” -Unknown

    It’s kinda sad to hear a woman wondering if she’s being too strong to hold her own, too educated, too successful. Damn, a lot has really changed in our society. I think women have had no choice but to do it on their own because men (some of course), seems to be fearing manhood… to be a man and fully accepting the fact that if all else fails, it is up to us as the man to make it happen; to make it okay again. I don’t think women should ever hold back on their potential to be as great, goal-driven, multiple degrees getting, and successful as they can. I think when the right guy comes along he will have no problem with all of your accomplishments IF, he is secure in himself. I do think though, that balancing the two (being independent and being vulnerable) isn’t a bad thing. But not in such a way where you’re calculating every move. But basically being strong when you need to and when to allow a true man to be strong for you; to be a man to you. It’s okay to continue being the leader in your world. And if you meet a man who wants to/would love to lead the team, than its okay to allow him to but ONLY if he knows how to lead. Can’t just allow a man to lead because he’s “The man”. And when it comes to feeling real love, I think one of the best ways is by being vulnerable. Because only when you’re vulnerable it is when you truly are being yourself. Let’s not let it be about if we gonna hurt or disappoint you, because let’s be real… at some point we will : (. But let it be all about if our intentions were to hurt you. Big difference! So go ahead and be all you can be. Be strong to carry on; be strong to recognize the B.S.; and most importantly be strong to know when to walk away. Yet all at the same time being vulnerable so you can feel and grow in love. And last, just don’t tell him in every argument, “This is my house, my car” lol. Other than that you’ll be fine : ).

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