Dating is just one of those things, man. You can take all of the lessons you’ve learned from heartbreaks past, and try to apply them to your current relationship or situationship to make sure the same sad ending doesn’t happen again. But sometimes, when you’re in the thick of dating someone, it’s hard to apply those lessons. It just is.
To all my overthinkers out there, I’m sure you know this all too well.
When your new romance sends you a text, you read between every single line to look for hidden meanings. When they don’t text you that day, you think of all the possible things that they could be doing instead. You start thinking up all these crazy scenarios that lead to crazy conclusions, and your mind is just the perfect storm of negative outcomes. And while all of this is going on inside of your dome, the reality is that things are going pretty well, and unfolding exactly as they should in the relationship. And I feel like we tend to forget that in the middle of our over-thinking.
Look, dating nowadays can be pressure-filled enough, and when you bring the pressure of “paralysis by analysis” into the mix, your relationship is bound to fail. If you let it, over-thinking will not only ruin everything before it even gets started, but it’ll leave you thinking “what if?” What if I had just stayed calm, what if I had just stayed in the moment, what would’ve happened if I didn’t over-analyze everything? The worst type of heartbreak is the one knowing that you got in your own head, and screwed up something that was perfectly fine in reality. Personally, I’ve found heartbreak way easier to deal with when I walked away knowing I did everything I could to make it work. So I felt compelled to write this for my overthinkers out there. Hopefully this will help you stay cool, calm, collected, and in tune with reality when your mind wants to get in the way.
1. Keep A Fresh Text Thread (Reply, Delete, Repeat): When your love-interest sends you a text, respond to it and make sure it was delivered, then delete the text thread, and do this over and over again. Overthinkers tend to read previous texts to analyze what the other person could have meant. Even worse, you might notice that you’ve been left on “read” and they haven’t responded. And now your mind is filled with all the clutter that comes with being a classic over-thinker, when in reality, they were just busy and they’ll text you back soon. When you delete the text thread consistently, you have nothing to look back on and over-analyze. Out of sight, out of mind…kinda.
2. Understand the Anatomy of the Relationship: Last time I checked, dating consisted of TWO people. On your end, you can only control your own actions. Once you start trying to control the other person, we all know how that ends up. Overthinkers tend to reach a point where they try to control everything in the relationship, so they can make sure that every ridiculous and negative scenario that they thought up doesn’t come true. This is just another way that over-thinking ends up being like shooting yourself in the foot. Instead, ALWAYS keep in mind that the person you’re dating is going to do things that are out of your control. And there is literally NOTHING you can do to stop that. So take care of your own role in this thing, and if they don’t hold up their end of the bargain, that’s on them, not on you.
3. Play It Close to the Chest: I have been so ridiculously guilty of this in the past, that it’s hard for me to even write this tip. But my over-thinking peeps need me, so I gotchu! When you go on a date, or hang out with them, tell your friends/family/coworkers/person you just met in the bathroom nothing about how it went. I am now giving you permission to think, you over-thinker! Think about what giving anyone else details about your date or text session opens the door to: More opinions, more advice, and more stuff to help you over-analyze and over-think things. Instead, keep it to yourself and keep it pushin’. The more noise you get in your head, the more ammo you give yourself to over-think.
4. Take Care of “In-House” Business First: Let’s be real, let’s keep it 100, or one-hunnid as some would say. Over-thinking stems from INSECURITY! As bad-ass as you think you are, as strong as you think you are, chances are you still have things that you’re insecure about. When you over-think, you most likely do this because of that crippling fear that you may not be good enough for this person because of whatever “flaws” you may have, or whatever past failures you’ve had. It makes you feel like you need to analyze and calculate every move you make in order for this person to like you. At the end of the day, this just doesn’t work, and can make dating almost unbearable. So this last tip might possibly the hardest one to follow, but it might possibly be the game-changer to overcome your over-thinking ways. Take care of yourself first. Now, chances are you’ll never be 100 percent secure, and that’s just called being a human. But if you make moves and changes in your life that makes you overall happy with the person you’ve become, then I think you’ll start to see your need to over-analyze decrease, and will skyrocket your ability to stay cool, calm, collected, and in tune with reality when you’re dating someone you like.
Some of these tips are easy little things to remember when you’re in the thick of it, and some of them require a lifestyle/mindset change. Either way, I hope this helps my overthinkers (and anyone) out there, even in the tiniest bit.
Til next time…