For years, everybody was telling me that I had to watch New Girl.
“OMG, Bruna, you’d love it,” they’d tell me, and I knew they were probably right, but I was drowning in so many other shows, I just didn’t have the time.
However, late last year, I binged every season, and it became pretty clear, pretty fast, why everyone thought I’d love this show. Jess is me. I am Jess.
OK, maybe not entirely, but there are a lot of similarities, and while I do a pretty decent job at describing my love life to you through these various posts, I really feel like Zooey Deschanel’s facial expressions on the show do it more justice.
So here are 18 times that she nailed the depiction of my dating life using just her face.
When I try to explain to my friends that I’m not too picky, I just have high standards.
When I practice being sexy.
When I’m on a date, but all I can think about is that plot twist in How to Get Away With Murder. Damn it, Shonda.
When he has the audacity to test me.
When people ask me to go out & I tell them I’m busy.
When my friends try to set me up & I wonder if they even know me at all.
When I wonder if I’m ever going to have sex again.
When I see people getting into relationships & I’m still waiting for a text back.
When a girl’s Instagram comment on his picture pisses me off, but he’s not my man so I can’t get mad.
When he starts listing all the reasons why he’s God’s gift to women.
When I realize I’m gonna be alone forever.
When I meet someone I like & start planning our future wedding.
When he sends you an unsolicited dick pic.
When I’m waiting to see if he tells me what I already know.
When I try to act nonchalant about a guy I’m already obsessed with.
When he says he’s just not ready for a relationship after dating me for months.
When I see couples fight & realize I don’t have to deal with any of that bullshit, because I’m free, bitches!